Money matters

What's the deal with allowance? I am new with this so I need some help. When do you start to give it to your kids (if ever)? Is it something they get no matter what or do they have to earn it? I understand that every family has different rules, and that is what I was trying to explain to my son, but he wouldn't hear it. "Everybody in my class has one." I repeated again and again that "everybody does it" argument doesn't work in our family. I also know that it's a tough point to get for a 9-year-old.

It started sort of like a joke, he came to me and said: "What do I have to do to earn a dollar?" I decided to play along and said: "go plant some flowers in our garden." He wrote it down. Then he asked: "What about 50 cents?" I continued to play along: "go water the flowers." "What else?" - "Go wash the floor." Then he requested me to write a list of things that he could get money for and how much. I started slowly getting that it's not a joke anymore. He really wanted to earn money by doing things.

The question of allowance did not come up in our family, although I know that it is a custom in America and I thought of it before. I never came to a reasonable solution. When I was a kid growing up (as I always have to say) there was no allowance. Most kids had no pocket money at all, either because their parents could not afford to give them any, or because the parents didn't consider that a child should have his own money. I was a lucky child in that respect. My family could afford to give me money, and I could always get as much as I want provided that I tell my parents what I need it for. This didn't start until I was 14 and I never asked for much because I never needed much - a cup of coffee, an ice cream, or later a manicure. I was even generous enough to buy a cup of coffee (or later, cigarettes, but that's another story) for my friends who didn't have their own money.

That was my idea of allowance and I considered it fair. I made a decision that in my family we will continue this tradition. If my children need something, they can come to me and ask, and if I think the request is reasonable, I'll buy it for them. That way I can at least make sure that they don't buy cigarettes (for themselves or their friends). But apparently, as with e-mail, my kids have other ideas.

So what are my options? They can't really plant flowers, so they can't earn money that way. I don't want to pay them for doing their chores or helping around the house, because this is what they are supposed to do without expecting a reward. I encourage good behavior with positive discipline - buying books, giving TV or video game privileges, etc., but never with money. They are too young to babysit or paint neighbors' fences. And if they are too young to earn money, they are too young to have it.

So the answer to the question: "what can I do to earn money?" currently is "nothing." As I tried to explain to my son, everybody in the family has responsibilities, and by doing them they don't expect any reward. Our family has a common budget, and we share it. Some families do not. Some reward good behaviour or doing chores with money. Every family has different rules. The sooner my son understands it, the better. Unfortunately, because of the peer pressure, it's an uphill battle for me.