Diary of old-fashioned housewife again

Last few weeks I have hated myself as a parent.

If I learned anything from my teenage years, it's that you have to become your children's confidant, so that when difficult teenage period comes, they will trust you and come to you with their problems instead of solving them on the streets. And the way to earn their trust is not to be over-controlling, always pick your battles correctly, listen to their desires, and respect their opinions. And I did so from the time my kids were born. How and when, then, did I turn into a control freak instead of caring and considerate mother?

Why do I make my children live by the rule "if we grew up without it, you can too"? We grew up without bananas, cheese, and oftentimes hot water. Yet I don't turn off hot water in our house when it's time to take a bath. Why, then, don't I let my children enjoy what our time and country has to offer?

Why can't they play video games? I can make sure that they are not violent, but I can also trust them to pick the right ones. But I don't trust them and get very nervous when they play on the computer or iPhone. And I strictly control the time - no more than half an hour a day. Same with TV. No more than an hour a day. Why do I have these restrictions? My explanation has always been: "if you allow them to play whenever they want, they will never stop." The fact is it's not true.

First, the games they play are completely harmless. They play "pack man" and "bejeweled" (did I spell it right?). My older son plays chess on the computer - not only it's not harmful, but actually beneficial. Still, I prefer that he plays chess with a live partner.

Next, they don't play for hours. Sometimes they like to play a little longer than they are allowed, and sometimes they don't even play for half an hour. Same with TV. My younger son watches "Sesame street" and "Blues clues." How harmful is that (except he is too old for these type of programs)? My older son watches basketball - for 15 minutes, and then takes a ball and goes to the backyard to play himself. Should I leave it up to the kids what to watch, what to play and for how long?

Next, an e-mail question. How harmful is it for a child to have an e-mail account? Yes, it may be useless, but if he really wants it because everybody else has it, why not? What's the harm in that? Why do I have to fight this useless battle?

Now, the money question. It's a little bit more serious and I am still debating it (with myself, mostly). I asked several parents - some do give allowance and some don't, and it doesn't seem to matter - kids turn out just fine. So, should I pick this battle?

My 9-year-old got so frustrated with me that he yelled: "Why do you have to be the strictest mother in my class? Other parents don't care if their kids say "shut up!" to their siblings, and I get punished for it." Well, sorry, this is where I put my foot down. Our family members will not be rude to each other. But don't I put my foot down too often?

I remember my parents to be very authoritarian. I didn't get a choice when to eat, what to wear, when to go to sleep. They still think that a child cannot decide these things for himself. And even though they were exceptional parents in all other respects, what they got in return was a very rebellious and troubled teenager who never came to them for an advice or to discuss a problem. In fact, they are still trying to control me and I still rebel, still don't come to them for an advice or to discuss a problem. They have learned nothing. Have I?