About a boy who came in next to last

I stayed in the gym today for the announcement of yesterday's competition results. What mother wouldn't? My younger son took a medal for every event and, for the first time ever, an all-around gold medal. My older son came in next to last. But, after making the announcement, the gym manager called my older son to the floor. He told the whole gym how Alex never competed in level 4, how he joined the team late and had to catch up with the younger level fives, and how he comes to the practice and does his best every time. I am so glad. I am sure it meant a lot to Alex.

We never planned for Alex to compete in gymnastics. We brought him to gymnastics to make him stronger and tougher. But coaches had other plans, and Alex was quickly promoted to the team, somewhat against our wish. We still didn't plan that he would compete, but Alex really wanted to. Seeing his brother compete last year, competition seemed glamorous to him. We've tried to explain to him that he is not up to the level of most of the boys, that he didn't have time to learn all the skills, that he would never catch up with his younger brother, that he would probably never get a medal and feel bad about it. We've tried to explain how tough it is to try to do your best and not get a good result, because other boys are just so much better. But Alex still wanted to compete. And we felt that it wouldn't be fair to just not let him.

Alex thought he could handle the pressure. Maybe he thought that getting good results are not important and just competing would be enough. Or maybe he thought he was really better prepared than he actually was, and he could get good results. But again, he was not. After placing among the last at 2 competitions, Alex is disappointed at gymnastics. He is bitter, sad, and angry. I can see that he realized that he made a mistake by going into the competitions. And I was wondering if I made a mistake by letting him.

That's why I was so glad today to hear the gym manager praise Alex. Of course we praise him after every competition, we stress how important it is that he tries his best no matter what the result is, but he probably knows that we do this because we have to, that his younger brother performs so much better, and that makes him sad. I hope that today will change Alex's attitude toward this year's future competitions. He is determined to quit gymnastics after the season is over, and I think it's the right decision, but I really hated to see him suffer through it instead of having fun. I hope he will remember today. And I feel better about my decision to let him compete. To let him make a mistake and learn from it, and hopefully become tougher and stronger. Mentally, not just physically.

Every time I go to a competition, I am at awe with these young men who come to show the miracles of strength and sportsmanship. Each and every one of them comes to the gym 3 - 4 times a week, for several hours, after school and homework, and pushes himself to the limit, to do his best. Every single one of them should be proud, no matter which score he posts on the board. Every single one of them is a champion.

And for every parent I have this to say. Support your kids. It doesn't matter what their interest is. It may be gymnastics, swimming, chess, or ballet. They may perform at the theater or play a musical instrument. Support them, no matter what their results are. If they want to sing in a choir, and you know they can't carry a tune, still support them. Let them do their best. Let them push their limits. They are putting in their time and effort, and sometimes they have to deal with bitter disappointments. The least you can do is show you care. They are your champions, even if they came in next to last.