The age of innocence

Today I went to Blockbuster to rent the movie "Master and commander", which was filmed on one of the ships we visited in San Diego. I thought kids would be interested to see that. The store didn't carry the movie, thank you very much. Since I was there, I decided to rent something else.

Recently my kids found Les Miserables musical in my music collection and they've been listening to it ever since. So, I decided to rent the movie. But as I was driving home, I was thinking if I did the right thing.

Les Miserables deals with many adult issues, including murder, suicide, poverty, and prostitution. I was surely not going to show the movie to my younger son, but even for the older one is this the right time? I would have to discuss these things as we watch the movie - is he ready? He is only 9, should he be exposed to these things, or should he enjoy the innocence of childhood for a year or two longer?

As a young mother, I often heard: "Why take away their childhood? Let them be kids." I am sure many other mothers heard that too. The thing is, all parents are divided into 2 categories. First category will start educating their children as early as they possibly can. They will start alphabet at 18 months. They will start numbers at 2. They will start swimming lessons at 6 months old. They will eventually add piano and tennis lessons, as well as foreign language. Then there is the other category that will say: "Let the kids be kids. Let them play and enjoy their childhood. They will learn their letters in their own good time, and they will pick their activities when they are ready."

Which one is right? Which one am I in? The answer is both. You can't "take away your child's childhood" if he is ready to learn letters at 2 and naturally curious what those signs in a book mean. By not following his cues to start learning, you'll be slowing him down. If, however, he is not ready and you are trying to push him to learn, you will take away his desire to learn, and you will achieve nothing, because his brain is not ready.

If you are that mother who is pushing your yelling and screaming 2-year-old into the water, you are damaging her nerves and create more fear, again, achieving nothing. But if your 6-month-old enjoys the pool, by all means get in the water with her - you are not "pushing" her.

I started math very early with my older son, and by the age of 3 he was adding and subtracting 3-digit numbers. I didn't push him, but I felt when he was ready to learn new things. I didn't introduce anything new before I was sure he was ready. I was doing it with him every step of the way. That's when I heard: "You are taking away his childhood." Well, guess what. With my younger son, I did not start learning any addition or subtraction - all I did is to learn numbers with him. He was watching his brother doing math, and at age 4 he asked me for his own addition problems. He is 6 now and again, doing 3-digit addition and subtraction. All by himself, without any interaction from my side. Did I "take away his childhood"? Not at all, in all other respects he is as much a child as any of his peers, and he learned without being taught because he was ready.

I taught my kids to read in Russian by the age of 5. Again "taking away their childhood"? Well, I did not plan to teach them to read English, I thought they would learn it in school. Guess what? By Kindergarten, they've taught themselves to read English without any help from me. I was astonished. I did not even teach them English alphabet, I left it to school - but they didn't need it. When the kids are ready, they will learn. If you don't let them, being afraid "to take away their childhood", you will slow them down, eventually diminishing their desire to learn.

But that's academics. What about real life issues? When my older son was in Kindergarten, I received a letter from a teacher, informing me that "they will be discussing different kinds of families, including singe-family homes, divorced parents and gay/lesbian families." That is what I get from private religious school? I was outraged. I called the teacher and said that no way my child is ready for such discussions. The teacher replied that most kids are ready at this age, and if they are, they come home and ask questions, but those who are not simply ignore it. And she was right - after a week of these "discussions" my son did not ask a single question - his mind just let it pass by him because he was not ready. If I tried to prolong the discussions at home, that might have been harmful, indeed taking away the innocence of his age.

So what about Les Miserables? There are so many things going on in this movie, and my child at this stage is so very curious, he'll have questions about everything, and I will have to answer, whereas if he would not watch the movie, the topic may not come up for months. And does it really matter? Does it matter if he learns about prostitution today or a year from now? Or maybe a year from now even be too late and he would've already learned it from his friends (with their own interpretations) instead of from me (with the proper lecture)?

I think my son is ready for Les Miserables. He may not enjoy it, but he is ready to watch and talk about it. More ready than 9-year-olds watching 16-year-old girls dressed as hookers on MTV and playing video games glorifying violence.