Tanya's rules of parenting

A friend of mine gave me an idea for this entry, but it comes entirely from my experience.

Things you should never force your child to do:

1. Eat when he is not hungry (you wouldn't do it, why should he?)
2. Eat the food he doesn't like, even if it's good for him. You can always find an acceptable substitution.
3. Dress more warmly than he would like to. Kids are more comfortable in lighter clothes than adults, even when it's cold.
4. Wear a shirt he does not like - give him a choice. He should have some control over his life.
5. Play with a toy he does not like, even if he made you buy it yesterday - it's a lost battle for everyone. Instead, don't buy him any more toys next time.
6. Make him be brave and try that roller coaster that he is so afraid of in an amusement park - he may not be into the roller coaster thing, and there is nothing wrong with that.
7. Share his special toy with a friend - before a playdate, help him hide all the toys he would not like to share.
8. Amuse your friends by reading that poem he just learned (or playing a piano piece, or with his any other talent) unless he wants to - he is a child, not an entertainer. Besides, you are proud of your child's accomplishments, but your friends may not share your excitement.
9. Take an activity that he does not like, even if you think it's important. He can only be good at something if he is excited about it. We all have seen that mom who pushes her screaming 2-year-old into the water for a swimming class - not a pretty sight, and a useless exercise of power. She won't swim until she is ready.
10. Socialize with a child he does not like, even if you are friends with the parents of this child. Again, no winners. Make up some excuse not to hurt anybody's feelings (it's ok, my son has been rejected many times by girls who he wanted to play with).

Things you may want to help your child with, if he does not do them on his own:

1. Read. Start with 10 minutes a day and go from there. Read to him, if you must, until he becomes interested and decides to try it himself. If he refuses, try positive discipline (my favorite is a star for every 15 minutes, 10 stars earns a present), or negative one: no reading - no TV/video games.
2. Chores. The earlier the better. He has to learn responsibility. Avoid the temptation to do everything yourself because it's faster and you don't have to redo it afterwards. He'll get better at it and eventually it'll be much easier for you because you won't have to do it. Never give money for doing chores. Instead, give a lot of praise, and once in a while do something pleasant for him - a movie, a new book (do mention that it's because he's been so helpful). No chores - no play (restaurants, movies, playdates).
3. An activity. A child needs at least one (for his self-esteem if nothing else - he'll be proud that he can do something others can't). Let him choose one for himself - he'll appreciate that he was given a choice.
4. Being neat. Sloppy clothes show disrespect to other people, messy handwriting - disrespect to a teacher. Don't let him go outside in a dirty t-shirt, and don't let him turn in a messy homework.
5. Using nice language - no "who cares" or "shut up". I am still working on that one :-)
6. Being polite - remind him of the words like "thank you", "please", and "excuse me".
7. Not interrupting. When interrupted, say (politely): "excuse me, I am talking to your father right now, but I will gladly listen to you when I am finished."
8. Speaking clearly. This is important for his future career. If he speaks too fast or using incorrect language, make him repeat or help him rephrase what he said. My son took a public speaking class - if you find one, it may be quite helpful.
9. Going to bed at the proper time (especially if he needs to get up early). I know it's not my business, but 12am is not a proper time. Getting enough sleep is very important.
10. And the most difficult - resisting peer pressure. Don't give in to "everybody is doing it" - it will come back to bite you in the tuhis.