An "ordinary" child

My younger son turns 5 in two days. For all this 5 years he never ceases to amaze me by... being an ordinary kid.

My older son was anything but ordinary, which made him quite difficult to raise. Mark started walking at 13 months, while his older brother waited till he was 15 months (rather late). He started talking (fluently) at 18 months, while Alex didn't say a coherent sentence till he was 3 (rather very late). I could not leave Alex alone for 3 minutes until he was 5 - he always needed company to entertain him. Mark was quite happy playing by himself every now and then.

Every child development book will tell you that your child will start scribbling around age 3, and will draw his first "face" a few months later. Around age 3, all Alex was scribbling was letters and numbers. He was quite good at it, too. But he didn't draw his first "face" until his teacher in Kindergarten demanded that he drew a person.

With Mark, it was different. Around age 3, he was copying his brothers' writing of letters and numbers (not too successfully), but one day he brought us a drawing and said: "look, it's a tree!" We were stunned - it really did look like a tree. Our older child still cannot draw anything that remotely reminds anything real.

Alex always preferred a company of adults (preferably his parents) to a company of his own peers. At the playground, he always played alone. If another child approached him, he would get up and go to a different place. If another child took his toy, it was fine with Alex. He was not crying or trying to take the toy away. He would leave the toy and walk away.

Mark is a complete opposite. He loves to play with other kids. He does not walk away from them, and he does not share a toy (his or somebody else's) without fighting. With him, all the "sharing" lessons that I picked up from parenting books came very handy.

When it came time for Alex to go to preschool, I looked at every preschool in 15-mile radius from our home. I visited every school and interviewed every director. It was all-important to me that my child had a great preschool experience, and not one detail was overlooked. I picked a school that I thought was the best. The result was disappointing. Alex hated preschool at first, and later he became simply indifferent. He did not participate in art projects. He hardly ever listened to stories. He showed no interest in playing with other kids. Every time I came to pick him up, he was sitting next to a teacher with bored expression on his face, while other kids were happily playing.

When Mark was starting preschool, convenience was most important. Alex was already in grade school, he had a ton of afterschool activities, and I needed to find a preschool that would fit my schedule. I picked the one right across the street from our house. Mark loved it from day one. He loves everything about it - the teachers, the kids, the playground, the circle time. He tells me what his friend Jacob did and what Ms. Ann-Marie said, and that Jasmine had a birthday and they ate cupcakes. He brings home his art and hangs it on the board for all to see. Every time I come to pick him up I see him happily engaged in whatever activity they happen to be doing. Just like everybody else.

I am now used to Alex being "different" and consequently more difficult. Mark's being an "ordinary" child makes him easier to raise. With the exception that his favorite occupation is tormenting his brother (which I am sure is normal too). Mark follows Alex around the house and makes up silly names for him. He scratches, kicks, and pulls Alex's hair without any reason. Whichever movie Alex likes to see has Mark's veto. Whichever game Mark wants to play Alex is obligated to play with him, no matter how much Alex dislikes the game. I am trying to keep things civil by saying: "you can't make another person play a game he doesn't want to play", but for Mark, that doesn't cut it. After some scratches and kicks, Alex happily agrees to play.

Despite being so different, I also see (with great pleasure) that my boys are becoming best friends. Mark copies everything Alex does, and picks up Alex's interests - math, astronomy, social studies - no matter how hard it is for him. They can play together happily for longer and longer periods of time, allowing me to write this blog :-)

I consider Mark my greatest achievement. Being the only, and very often, the lonely child, I gave myself a promise that I will definitely have more than one baby. Even now I hear my 5-year-old self begging my parents for a brother or a sister. This was a wish that I carried with me my whole life. Now, at 35, I think I should be able to let that go. But I can't. That is why when Mark was born, I remember myself thinking that at this moment I achieved more than my parents. I don't know if you ever had that feeling, but I did, and I was very proud. And that makes my "ordinary" child... well, extremely extraordinary.