Window of opportunity

This will be one of the most controversial pieces I've written so far. The main reason I am writing it is not to judge women who marry and have children later in life, because I understand that this does not always depend on a woman's choice. The main reason for this is to answer an all-out assault by the american mass media on traditional family values, the proof of which are several articles from newspapers and magazines that were posted by friends on Facebook.

Recently I came upon a scientific fact that amazed me: the best window of opportunity for a woman to have a child is from 15 to 25 years old. This is her best age to conceive and produce a healthy baby. After that, this opportunity starts to gradually decline.

15 to 25! This is shocking indeed. At this period, many women do not even think of having children. For the part of this period, sex is not even legal! This is teenagers we are talking about. How could nature provide a woman with the best physical ability to have a child at the age when she is the least physically and emotionally able to raise him? Where did nature go wrong?

Then I started thinking about it. Is 15 really that young? Until the last century, and in many cultures even today, 15 was the age when marriage for a woman was not considered something extraordinary. Centuries ago, girls got married a lot earlier than that. In many countries, it is proper for a woman to be married by the age of 18.

And when it comes to physical abilities, it's a relatively recent (and specific to developed countries) phenomenon that 15-year-old young women have hardly any responsibilities around the house. Even 50 years ago, many children performed the same jobs as adults did, and taking full care of a younger sibling would be one of the responsibilities of a 15-year-old (sometimes much younger) girl, thus making her fully capable of raising her own child. Again, this is the situation in many countries even today. Treating 15-year-olds (or 20-year-olds) as children is a relatively recent "developed countries" idea. It's not that women that age are not capable to be mothers. We made them that way. Nature didn't go wrong - we did.

It would seem here that I am advocating for 15-year-olds to have children. I am not. This is the last thing on my mind. The thing I am concerned about though is priorities. A woman finishes high school, goes to college, then she has got to travel and drink and experience life to the fullest, then she goes back to college to get her MBA, then she finally decides that it's time to settle down and have a family, but where is her window of opportunity? By the time she is done with all that she is in her early 30th if she is lucky and close to 40 if she had fun for a little too long. That's when infertility clinics come to help. That's the way Western civilization is going now - infertility clinics. While in the cultures where women marry earlier and have children when nature intended them to, birth rate is skyrocketing. Ours is dying out.

And for those women who do think of settling down earlier and putting their careers on a back burner in order to have kids, there comes media to the rescue. "There is no reason to rush into having kids," - family experts tell us, - "It's hard work. Have fun, experience life, establish your career first." "There is no reason to look for Mr. Right just yet. It's fun to be single," - magazines scream from the shelves, - "it's your time to experiment with drinks, food, clothes, and partners of different sexes. It's your time to LIVE. It's glamorous! It's now! It's independence! It's the Sex and the City way!" Have you ever read in a tabloid magazine about your window of opportunity to have a healthy child? I bet you didn't.

The result? Women are having children later and later in life. That means they are having fewer of them - there is no time for the 2nd or 3rd. And it's lucky for them if they are even able to have a child around 40. For many women, it's too late. That's the part that tabloid magazines don't tell you about. It's just too late. Sure, they might mention how far along our infertility science have come. Do you know how many couples succeed with infertility treatment? 20%. That's including young couples, whose chances are much higher. Imagine what chances you have when you are 40. That's the part that mass media is shielding our young women from.

My older son recently had a puberty education workshop at school. This is a perfect opportunity to talk to your children about when to start having sex, and having a family. For many of us (especially parents who have daughters) it means talking about not having sex too early, sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy prevention. What many parents (especially parents of daughters) are missing, I think, is talking about how important it is to start a family at the right time. It used to be that not getting married "in time" was considered "wrong" by society. Society used to send a message to women - get married, have kids. Now it sends a completely opposite message. That's where parents have to come in. Of course I am not talking about telling your daughter to start dating at 13 and be married by 15. But you have to counter all those "family experts" advice. Talk about the importance of having a family. Talk about the benefits and the joys of it. The joy of having children. Talk about the fact that there is no danger in putting off your MBA for a few years, but putting off having children may have unintended consequences. Tell them that traveling with children is often more rewarding and interesting than traveling without them. You see the world in a whole new light, so "travel before you have children" is a myth. Talk about the joy your kids bring to you every day, and how lucky you are to have them. Tell them that many people are not that lucky, and for most of them, it's their own lifestyle choices that made them that way. Talk about the window of opportunity.