When do I feel like G-d?

For their Siddur ceremony, our first-graders have to answer the question: "When do I feel like G-d?" The answers are usually typical: "When I help my mom with dinner", "When I treat people nicely", "When I recycle." I never considered it a particularly deep question, especially put to a first-grader.

I am not on very good terms with G-d lately. I have my reasons. It's because G-d let one of my best friends die in a car accident 6 years ago. Or because I have an awful anxiety disorder that make my mornings hell and depression that does not let me enjoy life fully. Or because of all of this I have to take dreadful pills that don't let me do what I want. But I realize that I have a lot to be thankful to G-d for.

I was driving today and I saw 2 ducks crossing the road, very slowly. I felt like G-d when I stopped and let them pass. They took their time, but I didn't move, feeling like I am protecting G-d's creatures from harm.

2 days from now, I will board a plane and fly, after 11 years of not flying because of fear. I still have fear, but I am taking a chance. I pray that G-d will protect that plane and His creatures on it.

When do you feel like G-d?

Thinking of elementary school

It's hard to believe that in the coming fall my older son will start his last year of elementary school. Sounds like a cliche, but it seems like only yesterday he walked into a Kindergarten classroom, waved me good bye, and left me crying behind closed door. Today, we are getting ready for middle school, and talk about high school a lot.

So far, our experience with the school was a pleasant one. Alex has enjoyed it, and we did too. Not challenging enough academically for him (to the point that he asked for another school once or twice), but wonderful teachers, adorable peers, and parents who are really nice to know and some of whom became friends.

In a nutshell, Alex is an exceptional student with absolutely no social skills. Every August, teachers send a letter to the families asking parents to describe their hopes and dreams for the coming year. Every year, I write the same thing - I hope my son will find some friends this year. So far, this has not come true, and this coming August I will write it again.

I wonder if Alex is suffering from the absence of friends as much as I worry about it. Many people are self-sufficient. I am definitely not - there was a period of my life when I had no friends, and I suffered immensely from loneliness. My husband certainly is not - he is extremely social and easy-going. And my younger son, of course, is way too social for his own good. Alex is weird in that way. I worry about it, and I wish for him to find a friend next year. Even one good friend would be great. And of course I wish him an academically fulfilling year (it's not easy, being so far ahead in many subjects). But for now, we are hoping for a fun and restful summer.