To be or not to be

Here I am again puzzled by a dilemma. Our gymnastics coaches called a meeting today, to inform me (as well as some other parents) that they are proud to invite our sons to compete at team level on outside competitions (outside meaning not "little kids" competitions they hold inside the gym, but competitions with the other teams.) Well, we are proud too, of our kids' achievements. But of course, there is always a "but".

First, there is money. We pay for everything - coaches, competition fees, traveling, uniforms, insurance etc., etc. in addition to regular monthly fees, which altogether comes to almost 1,500 per year.

Then, there is parents' commitment. Parents are supposed to "volunteer" during the competitions, 20 hours per year, or pay $20 per each missed hour.

And last, but the most important, there is a child's commitment. So far, we already have 3 2-hour practices a week, plus they are adding another 2-hour practice on Saturday. The practice starts at 3.30, the school ends at 3.15, there is a 40 minute commute. Mark gets extremely excited about gymnastics, but he also gets very tired, and sometimes asks if it's ok not to go and starts whining. I understand he is tired and would rather he did not go on those days, but I cannot allow him to go whenever he pleases - sports requires discipline. Can I put such pressure on a 6-year old?

What bothers me is that I see no goal in all of this. What are we working for? He is not going to be an Olympic champion. We are not making a career out of gymnastics. The coaches keep reminding me about scholarship to Stanford, but I am sure that my kids are smart enough to get scholarships just based on their academic achievements. And is scholarship worse all this sacrifice of time, money, and effort afterall?

To me, the answer is no. So on the way home I almost made up my mind to refuse the offer. So far, gymnastics has been very beneficial for Mark, but increasing pressure would be too much. But then I gave it another thought.

The situation is now different from a year ago, when I was making a decision whether to increase his practice time to 2 times per week. Then, the decision was entirely mine. Mark was too little to get his own opinion. Now, he is older. I talked to him about the competitions and increased commitment, and asked if he is ready to do this (and go to every practice without whining). He said he needed some time to think. I think I should let him. I think now he has to have a say. It should be a family decision.

I think that if we say "no" now, we are closing the door for him. The door to the sport which eventually he can be great at. And it doesn't matter that there is no real goal - the goal may be the sport itself, in which he can take great pleasure. We can always say "no". Even though the older he gets, the less it will be our decision, and the more it will be his. And if at one point he decides that he wants to stop, that will be the end of it, and neither we nor his coaches will be able to do anything about it. Even now, he can say "no", and I will not pressure him into taking this responsibility. But if he decides to do it, our saying "no" will close the road which can lead to great things.

I am anxiously awaiting Mark's decision. I told him to take his time and think hard, because whatever he decides will be final and he cannot change his mind, at least for a year. Is it smart of me to put such a serious decision on a 6-year old? I am cheating - I am doing this because I cannot decide myself.