Rebel without a cause

My older son got into a habit of calling his younger brother "weird" (among other names - recently we've had a lot of name calling in our house). Yesterday I asked him if he knows what "weird" means. "It means unusual" - he answered correctly. I said: "Right. And if you think about it, your brother is not weird at all. If anybody is weird, it's you. You only play with the girls. You don't like fiction books. You know a lot more math than other kids. That's unusual. Your brother plays with boys and shares a lot of the same interests that other kids his age have. So he is pretty usual." I don't know if I will hear "weird" again any time soon.

I am a parent of two kids who are completely different. One is "weird", and one is "ordinary". Despite being "weird", until recently my older son was relatively easy to discipline, because I could almost always reason with him. My younger son is a lot harder, because he is very mischievous, and he does not respond to either positive or negative discipline.

For the last few weeks, however, my house has been turned upside down. Out of nowhere, my relatively obedient and reasonable son refused to listen. It started from calling his brother names, went on to swearing, and now he says "no" to pretty much every limit I try to impose. I started with positive discipline. It didn't work. I tried punishment. Then our evenings turned into yelling screaming tantrums. "Why do I have to listen to YOU?" "I don't have to do what YOU say!"

I mentioned this problem to a friend who has 3 sons. What she said was pretty simple. "He is growing up." I realized the same moment that she was right. He is growing up and pushing the limits. He needs more freedom.

Even when dealing with Alex was relatively easy, I was always mindful of the teenage years, when I turned from relatively quiet and obedient child to a parents' nightmare almost overnight. I knew it could happen. My solution to it with my kids was not to set too many limits right from the start, and always explain and discuss them. Apparently, my plan didn't work. First, I didn't expect my kids to start rebelling until the age of 13, and Alex is only 9. This definitely caught me off guard. Second, what if they rebel anyway (which, apparently, he does)? I have no plan B. I became public enemy #1. The mean parent. "The strictest parent in school". And that means no matter how reasonable my request is, the answer is: "I don't have to do what YOU say!"

No matter how I thought I was prepared for teenage years, I was not. At least not yet. I have to catch up. I am working on a plan B.