But I am here now, and my own kids require different sort of playdates.
With my older son, it was easy. Until Kindergarten, he had no friends, therefore he didn't need any playdates. He was extremely unsocial. When he started school, things started to change. He did find a few friends, and they were... all girls. First, it was one girl in particular, then he added a few more to his friends list. He actually did have a list. Interestingly, girls loved him. They knew about the list, and desperately wanted to be on it. We once had a serious talk with the teacher about this - the girls who didn't make the list were getting extremely upset. Therefore, the list had to go. But the girlfriends remained, and it was they who initiated the playdates. During Kindergarten and 1st grade, Alex had a few playdates, but only with the girls.
In 2nd grade, things started to change again. Alex was still following girls everywhere, but the girls were growing tired of it. The older they got, the more tired they became. Now the "play" is essentially this: Alex follows the girls around, and girls are running away and hiding. I am trying to explain to Alex, that at this age, girls mostly socialize among themselves, and therefore he needs to have male friends. So far my lectures have been in vain.
- "Why can't I have a playdate with Rebecca?" - he would ask.
- "Because Rebecca doesn't want it."
- "Why?"
- "Because she likes to play with girls, not with boys."
- "She doesn't want to play with me just because I am a boy?"
- "Yes."
- "But that's not fair!"
There is the end of that conversation. In 10 minutes we would be discussing another girl who doesn't want to have a playdate, and would end, again, with "That's not fair." This is where the matters stand now - no playdates, again, for Alex.
My younger son is another story. He was the center of attention in his preschool, and continues to be so now. Once again, a sign of a "normal" child - he hardly ever plays with girls, but he has quite a few boy friends, plays with them and then comes home to tell me who said what, what game they played and who won. Because of being "normal", he had more playdates last month than Alex had all these years. Alex does not like it.
- "How come Mark gets to go on a playdate and I don't?"
- "Because you were not invited."
- "They didn't say that I am not allowed to stay!"
- "It is not polite to come if you are not invited."
- "How come I don't have any playdates?"
- "You have to find friends among boys, then you will have playdates too."
- "But why can't I have playdates with girls?!"
And there it starts again. At least Alex gets to play when Mark's friends comes to our house, but I don't know if the little ones like the older brother hanging around.
Playdates are social affairs for kids, but are even more so for the parents. Just because kids are the best of friends, you don't necessarily know or ever spoke to their parents. So, to organize a playdate you have to get in touch with a complete stranger. This can be uncomfortable, especially if you are not very social person, like me. You have to speak to a parent, get to know a little bit about their family and invite them over (or they will invite you). Sometimes a child wants to have a playdate with another child who does not. How would you resolve it without hurting the feelings - feelings of a parent, not of a child! Children will fight their own battles and forget all about it, but parents will remember and awkward situation will last long in their memory.
I am learning the culture of playdates. My kids are being my guides, and I learn from them, since they seem to be infinitely better at it than I am.
